Are you afraid of the dark?

There's something I've kept close to my chest for a long time.

The first time

It started happening at an early age. The first time is not a memory of mine, but of my parents.

I believe I was between 1 and 2 years old. One of my aunts had gotten me a clown doll. This particular one had a pull string that when engaged, the toy would laugh. One night, my parents were both awakened by a menacing laugh, followed by me crying. They got out of my bed and rocked me back to sleep. Before returning to their slumber, to ensure that the doll wouldn’t go off in the middle of the night, they took the batteries out of it. They figured I must have accidentally pulled the string and the sound upset me.

An hour or so later, the same thing occurred. Like clockwork, a devilish laugh and crying ensued. Remember - they had taken the batteries out of the clown doll. You’d think it couldn’t still make a sound, right?

The next morning, my parents threw the toy in the trash. According to them, they were both spooked. Little did they know, that was just the start of what would be a daily occurrence in my life. Lucky for them, I kept it a secret.

The early years

My sister and I shared a bedroom growing up. We each had a single bed in the largest of 3 bedrooms on the second floor of our house. It is an older home in Wisconsin that my parents still reside in. The sound of whistling heat registers (now considered vintage) was heard in every room, keeping us warm for the many cold months of each year. Window AC units blew their white noise during the summer months. Growing up on a busy street meant that cars racing by, emergency vehicle sirens and train horns could be heard at all hours of the night.

My bed lined up almost flush with the doorway to our bedroom. If you kept walking straight ahead while exiting our room, you’d head into the bathroom. It was a short distance between our door and the bathroom door, so I could see perfectly into the bathroom while laying in the comfort of my bed. As it would turn out, that visual would haunt me for many years to come. Literally.

The many porcelain dolls lining our bookshelf didn’t help either. My sister was convinced that they would stare at her all night. Yes - I am to blame for the creepy dolls. I loved eery things from an early age. You can blame that on my dad (but that’s for a future Substack story).

I wish I could remember the exact age I started seeing her. She had blonde, medium length hair, and was always wearing a blue dress. She looked like she had come through time travel, looking as though she was from the early 1900s (I say that with little certainty). I didn’t have a concept of what “look” was standard in a particular century. And let’s be honest - I don’t know much about fashion to this day (it’s okay - you can laugh).

Every night, she would pace back and forth in our bathroom. Over the years, she slowly made her way out of the bathroom and was wandering through the hallway. And then one night, she came into our bedroom. She stood near the door - seemingly curious about the other inhabitants in the house (us). After her initial entrance into our room, it didn’t take long for her to end up next to my bedside.

I want to clarify something…

The entire time I was seeing this woman wandering around at night, I thought someone was breaking into our house over and over again. I was a small child. It was unnerving. At moments, I was paralyzed with fear. But the worst part was that I felt crazy. Is anyone else seeing this person? It can’t possibly be just me wondering what’s going on here…right?

As it turned out, I was the only one seeing her. And it would remain that way. And I would keep all of this to myself, until another experience happened…

I was taking care of my niece when she was a baby. My sister was working full time, and I was happy to look after her adorable child over my summer break. I was 19 at the time and so excited to introduce my niece to the Lawrence Welk Show (yes - I’m an old soul). I showed her when to clap after performances. I fed her vegetarian baby food (she’s still not a fan of meat). I dreamt about her becoming a violist (and she did). It’s a time I’ll treasure forever.

My sister also had the sweetest pup named Sully. He was a gentle and calm dog, who hardly ever barked unless provoked with a toy. One of his best qualities was his endearing underbite.

Their home was on the second floor of an apartment building. It was a nice little place that was quiet and felt safe. Until it didn’t…

I’ll leave things by saying that a dark energy and a sacrificed chicken were involved. And as a vegetarian, and someone who is hyper connected to energy, it was a challenging experience. But it’s also when my big secret stopped being a mystery…

To be continued?

Cliffhanger?! What?!

I know, I know. I apologize. Honestly, I’m shocked that I even started to share things in this vein. I’ve written songs that imply some of the nature of my experiences. I’m going to let this ruminate and see about a Part 2 of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”. I’ll be gauging my comfort level, as well as the intrigue from all of you. Until next time.

See you in a week

If you’re reading this, thank you. I’m honored. And I can’t wait to continue on this journey via Substack with all of you! We’ll see what next Sunday brings.

To learn more about myself, follow my show schedule and hear my music: Kathryn Severing Fox's website

Me sporting a Halloween themed sweatshirt (my favorite holiday)

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