Songwriter Sunday

Tuesday is the new Sunday, right?!

Not “Are You Afraid of the Dark Part 3”?!

Don’t worry. There will be more installments. I need some more time to feel ready to share more chapters of my life (that part at least). I appreciate your patience, friends.

Back home

I found myself back in my hometown of Janesville, WI this past weekend. My parents asked me to play an all J.S. Bach concert with a chamber orchestra, choir and soloists. My parents traded off conducting and singing. My cousin was also one of the soloists (yes - I have a very music family). It was so amazing to be playing with a dear family friend (I now have her old violin - it’s my fiddle) and my first orchestra teacher.

The past 5 years, I found myself running away from classical music. After playing it since I was 5 years old, I found a new calling - improvising. But even in my improvisation, my classical training has remained present. All of the scales, arpeggios, metronome work, playing with a drone, and even all of the melodies I learned from Brahms and Ravel…it all plays a roll in my approach to improvisation.

I don’t find myself playing my viola too often in our Weary Ramblers show. It’s not a deliberate choice…it simply isn’t the “right” instrument for too many songs. Every song we play and write paints a path to a particular instrument. Sometimes it needs fiddle…or mandolin…and, every now and then, viola.

This past weekend, I found myself not only at home geographically…but also with my viola. My soul is in that instrument. It always has been. Many say I sound like a viola player when I’m playing my fiddle (the best compliment ever). I love hearing that. Because, to me, the viola vibrates a rich, warm and meditative sound.

Eyes wide open

As I looked around at the various members of the chamber orchestra, I noticed something. Every single person had, to me, visible anxiety. Of course, it’s hard to know the cause of that for each person. After watching for a while, I smiled to myself.

I realized that was once me…a bundle of anxiety…of a non-stop need to be perfect. And I thought to myself…wow. I’m so happy I’m not living that way anymore.

I hadn’t noticed it in others before. I had been blind to others’ struggles because I had drowned in my own anxieties and expectations. But, strangely, it was comforting to see that what was once my bag of rocks on my back, was also being carried by everyone else in that orchestra. This is a normal state of being for people in this field.

When I was gearing up for my recitals in college (I went to the University of Miami in Florida), I found a nifty trick. I knew that I needed to somehow “practice” being nervous. I would get myself set up in a practice room and then walk outside. I’d then run around the music building once or twice, plant myself back in my practice room, and force myself to re-center as quickly as possible…and start playing.

It sounds rather unorthodox, but it worked. Getting my heart rate going was as close as I could get to the nervousness…the adrenaline. It’s something I now teach to my students who have performance anxiety.

Sitting in that orchestra this past weekend, I found myself full of joy. I was relieved to know I can still jump into that world without an issue. And I was grateful to be playing with a relaxed body and mind. Through improvisation, I’ve found my way back to my heart. And I’m excited to now know that my heart will lead the way in every musical experience.

Sharing Time

I’d like to share my performance of Glazunov’s Elegy, Op. 44 for viola and piano. It is a recording from my first Masters Degree recital in Miami, FL. You can also watch a video of it here: Glazunov Elegy, Op. 44 for viola and piano. I can remember the anxiety I felt during these recitals…so desperate to be perfect. I’m grateful to be able to enjoy playing again.

I can’t wait to share the back story to more of my songs with all of you, as well as my journey in music and life. Until next time.

See you in a week

If you’re reading this, thank you. I’m honored. And I can’t wait to continue on this journey via Substack with all of you! We’ll see what next Sunday brings.

To learn more about myself, follow my show schedule and hear my music: Kathryn Severing Fox's website

Me and my viola

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